I like Stephen King as much as the next person, but King’s worst work is the overly cheesy stuff, which this film seems to be celebrating.  I’m sure that’s the intention but… look, just watch it yourself.  I can’t possibly call this one for you.  The film was recently picked up by Camelot Distribution Group, and (believe it or not) it will screen at Cannes and is looking for a distribution plan.

You Can’t Kill Stephen King was written by Monroe Mann, Ronnie Khalil, and Bob Madia and was directed by Mann, Khalil, and Jorge Valdes-Iga.  Khalil and Mann also star along with a bunch of good-looking ladies and the Token Black Guy (Justin Brown).

Check out the trailer below:

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Me?  I always thought it was going to be awesome (I submit this and this as evidence), and I couldn’t be happier that Rise is getting a sequel that will be directed by original director Rupert Wyatt and will again star Serkis.  The writers of the original, Amanda Silver and Rick Jaffa, completed a draft of the script but 20th Century Fox apparently feels it could use a bit more work and have hired Scott Z. Burns to do a rewrite, according to The Hollywood Reporter.  Burns co-wrote The Bourne Ultimatum and The Informant!, but his most relevant work to this sequel is that he wrote Contagion.  Considering the ending of Rise of the Planet of the Apes and the subject matter of Contagion Burns is a perfect fit — and I hope he can bring some of his cerebral writing to the Apes sequel since the series has always been marked by a number of fascinating ethical questions.

There’s no set date for the sequel yet, but I wouldn’t expect it any earlier than summer 2014.

The Dictator follows Cohen’s next creation, General Admiral Haffaz Aladeen, a showboating and semi-retarded dictator who loves his power and would do anything to make sure democracy never comes to his state of Wadiya, an oil rich nation located in North Africa.  When the United Nations begins taking a closer look at Wadiyan affairs and sees that it may be building atomic weapons, taking the advice of his Head of Secret Police and Chief of Secruity, Uncle Tamir (Sir Ben Kingsley), the Supreme Leader decides to take a trip to NY to address the UN.  It is in NY where, under the orders of his uncle, he is kidnapped and his body double takes his place in order to open Wadiya to the world.  With the help of an exiled Wadiyan scientist named Nadal (Jason Mantzoukas) and a feminist and owner of the Free Earth Collective, Zoey (Anna Faris), General Aladeen will do what he must in order to prevent democracy from reaching his country.

What separates The Dictator from Borat and Bruno is that this film is totally scripted and everything, for the most part, is planned, where as the first two films were like improvised documentaries.  It’s nearly impossible to tell what Cohen is improvising during the film and what is actually scripted but, believe you me, he covers the complete range of comedic ground.  The jokes range from beyond offensive to simple toilet humor and everything in between, even though the movie itself is a political satire of sorts.  Hell, there will even be moments of silence because some of the jokes just aren’t funny and the picture can actually get slightly boring.

As expected, some of the jokes are extremely offensive, especially for residents of NY, but those were actually my favorite particularly because you could literally feel the audience dividing with some people laughing at how far Cohen was willing to go while others were scoffing in anger.   It was something I’ve never really experienced before and it just shows how, with Cohen, nothing is sacred.  All I ask is that you pay attention to the smaller details, especially the music, because he and director Larry Charles make sure everything has the Wadiyan touch.  For example, you’ll hear their version of Dr. Dre’s The Next Episode, which is hilarious.

It’s no surprise that Cohen steals the show but I was taken aback by how good Anna Faris held her own against his dominating presence.  I think the fact that she looked like a teenage boy trying to battle a dictator made her much more fun to watch.  Sir Ben Kingsley was also good but he just wasn’t that funny, I think his role could have been played by someone else and it would have had the same effect on me.  Jason Mantzoukas was great as the ousted scientist, the one scene he has in the helicopter with Cohen is absolutely priceless despite its subject matter.

Overall, The Dictator is nowhere near as sidesplitting as Cohen’s previous endeavors but it still is pretty funny and will have people in shock from how far he goes.  Not only that, the film is actually pretty smart in the way it boldly attacks politics and how it bashes American ways right in your face.  For old fans of Cohen you’ll enjoy his latest but will want more, for new fans you can expect to be shocked, appalled and will probably die of laughter.

Rating: Not his best, but the Supreme Leader is still pretty damn funny (6.3/10)

The Lebanese Cinema Movie Guide released this exclusive teaser poster for the film which actually has quite a bit information on it, considering we don’t really know anything about the film. First we get an actual title for the film, Anchorman: The Legend Continues, and secondly, it has a release date of 2013 which is a bit surprising since the film was just announced about 2 months ago.

Check out the poster below and hopefully the teaser will hit the web as well today.

With way too much backstory about the main character, Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch, you know, from that John Carter movie that no one saw), the movie starts off very slow including a short few scenes of him and his brother, Stone (Alexander Skarsgård, HBO’s True Blood) that could have been cut entirely. Let me quickly point out that the brother’s name is Stone Hopper. Stone. Hopper. Seriously. Anyway, there’s a pretty blonde girl (SHOCKER) that’s the Admiral’s daughter (really?) and guess what? Yah, Alex is in love with her. The pretty blonde girl is Brooklyn Decker (Just Go With It) and Liam Neeson pops his head in now and then as the Admiral.

I’ll admit, the aliens and the special effects are really impressive, but I was equally disappointed at the lack of any sort of explanation. I think back to another alien flick last year, Battle L.A. where the dialogue was amazingly worse than this, but just as lacking in information. Do the writers think that people are stupid and don’t care about WHY the aliens came here?

I had a hard time buying Alex Hopper as a tactical genius. This guy has a quick temper and makes really bad decisions. I know, let’s make him the chief weapons officer! Really? Over and over again it’s pointed out that this guy can’t make good decisions, yet he’s promoted? C’mon. I’m getting myself worked up. I just hate when I feel like a movie is assuming I’m dumb and that they can tell me anything and I’ll believe it.

The aliens aside, the true stars are the “shredders” that you see in the previews. They tear through anything and everything like butter. All the carnage they leave behind is astounding and the scenes are just long enough to realize you’ve been holding your breathe. Rather than destroy cities, the demolition is mostly at sea and of destroyers and battleships. It’s a great idea and a refreshing take.

If you can sit through all the boring “story” parts, this movie is really best enjoyed in the theater on a gigantic screen, the bigger the better. Also, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, it would have been cool in 3D.

Rating: Fantastic action and aliens, but nothing else. 5/10

Though a remake of District 13 , titled Brick Mansions, is in the works and set to shoot this fall, there are two other films that have just made headlines.  The first has to do with Twilight star Taylor Lautner.  It appears that FilmNation will be selling a film at this year’s Cannes market titled Tracers [clearly a slight twist on the word for one whopractices parkour, traceurs] in which Lautner will take the lead role as Cam, an amazing NYC messenger biker who is in debt to a gang and meets a sexy stranger who introduces him to the world of parkour.  The film will be directed by Daniel Benmayor (Bruc, The Manhunt).

Lautner isn’t a complete stranger to Parkour as he used a little bit in his last film Abduction, but supposedly that was just improvised and he hasn’t actually learned how to move.  If he somehow masters long distance precision jumping I’ll be somewhat impressed, though I still don’t like the idea of him taking the lead in a film that may look cool but will end up sucking.  [via Deadline]

Up next, Variety is reporting that Red Bull Media House has signed on to produce a film titled Twist, a modern day retelling of Charles Dickens’ Oliver Twist which will be shot in 3D.  Twist is set to focus on the Fagin Gang and will use the art of movement (Parkour) to steal art from a variety of places.  Sounds like we are going to see some scenes that are very similar in nature to Yamakasi – Les samouraïs des temps modernes.  Oliver Blackburn (Donkey Punch) is listed as the director while Kevin Lehane (Grabbers) penned the script.  It isn’t clear yet who will be starring in the film but I’m sure we’ll see some familiar faces from the UK in it.

Several documentaries have been made about the CBGB era, but Variety is reporting that Randall Miller (writer/director of Bottle Shock) is making a movie about CBGB and that Alan Rickman will star as Hilly Kristal, the owner of the club.  Miller is current set to direct another music film, The Drummer, which is about Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys and is set to star Aaron Eckhart.  However, CBGB is set to film first and will go before cameras in June.

I don’t know exactly what sort of narrative the film will cover, but if Miller is looking for a set he could do no worse than filming it in the John Varvatos storefront that CBGB once occupied.  The fashion designer has done a remarkable job of maintaining the feel of the old club (the new Guns N Roses, New York Dolls, and other big acts have even played concerts there).  Of course, I wouldn’t recommend going there to buy a $300 Iron Maiden shirt, but it’s certainly a nice place to browse.

According to Deadline, Gangster Squad will be released on September 7, a few weeks earlier than its original mid-October release date.  That’s usually a great sign, and the September 7 date is a good fit since there’s nothing similar around it.  Perhaps the positive buzz from the trailer prodded Warners to push the movie out a little earlier.  Likewise Beautiful Creatures, which stars Emily Rossum, Jeremy Irons, Emma Thompson, and Viola Davis, has moved up two days to Wednesday, February 13 (obviously to snag some sweethearts looking to spend Valentine’s Day at the movies).

However, Gravity 3D — the long-awaited follow-up to Children of Men by director Alfonso Cuaron — has been pushed back from its November 21 release date to an unspecified 2013 date.  The reportedly two-actor film — the movie stars Sandra Bullock and features George Clooney in a supporting role — has undergone an extensive post-conversion into 3D, an odd move for a dramatic film (you can read more about that in my earlier post here).  Though pushing a film back is usually a bad sign, November/December 2012 is really packed with sure-to-be hits so I can’t blame Warners for trying to give Gravity 3D, which might take some pushing, some extra attention.

The film stars Academy Award^® winner Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line), Chris Pine (Star Trek) and Tom Hardy (The Dark Knight Rises), and will be available on Blu-ray, DVD and Digital Download May 22.

For your chance to win a copy of This Means War on DVD, simply send an email to contests@moviebuzzers.com with the subject line “THIS MEANS WAR!”  In the body be sure to include your full name, phone number, mailing address and the answer to the following question:

What character is Tom Hardy playing in the upcoming film, The Dark Knight Rises?

• Riddler
• Penguin
• Bane
• Killer Croc

The contest will end on May 21st with a winner announced on the 22nd.  Good luck!

The world’s deadliest CIA operatives, FDR Foster (Pine) and Tuck (Hardy), are inseparable partners and best friends until they fall for the same woman (Witherspoon).  Having once helped bring down entire enemy nations, they are now employing their incomparable skills and an endless array of high-tech gadgetry against their greatest nemesis – each other.

The first clip is more of just an informative piece featuring Dr. Connors and doesn’t have any actual footage of the film, but is still interesting.

The second clip is by far the best of the two. Along with footage from the film, we also get to see a few shots of Dr. Connors transferring into the lizard.

So this next preview is actually the four minute super preview that aired during America’s Got Talent. It’s actually a nice little treat and although it does feature a lot of footage we have already seen, it does have some new stuff as well.

I have to say, thus far I have been very pleased with the marketing for this film and my anticipation for it has increased substantially due to it. Well done Sony, well done.

The Amazing Spider-Man opens July 3, 2012.