We get a lot of emails here at Movie Buzzers HQ to promote businesses and we rarely, if ever, go out of our way to promote one, but today I have made an exception. An awesome company called Man Crates recently reached out and challenged us to pick out some items (real or imaginary) that we would want in a crate as part of our survival kit to survive a horror movie. If you haven’t heard of Man Crates they send out awesome manly gifts to you (most likely a man) in crates that you have to open with a crowbar (comes with the crate). How awesome is that? When they pitched this idea to us and I saw the site I immediately said I was down for the challenge.
We all know there’s a lot of terrible clichés that runs rampant in most horror movies, many of which stem from stupidity, but there are some differences between the clichés in, say, a slasher film than a zombie flick. I’m going to focus my survival kit on classic monster movies (werewolves, vampires, etc.) because as much as I want to do a slasher film, it’s just not as fun, plus monster movies can be slasher films too. While a trusted, capable friend and a hybrid SUV would make my list, I’m going with things I can actually receive in a crate. Below is my list of 10 essential things I would need in my monster movie survival kit.
- Trail running shoes – When dealing with any sort of monster chances are you’ll be running. You’ll want a pair of shoes that can withstand long distances off road as well as on it. Slipping should be the least of your worries when running which is why opting for the trail shoes is a much better option. You slip, you die, and I don’t have any plans on dying.
- Silver blade (10″ or smaller) – Many monsters seem to have a problem with silver, it’s the kryptonite of vampires and werewolves (I call BS on just being in bullet form). Since you never know what type of monster is going to attack, your best option is to go for the weakness of the ones you know that have to come close in order to kill you. With a small blade you just might be able to save yourself before it’s too late. This knife will also be good for hunting and making food.
- Waterproof night vision goggles – Many monsters only make their moves at night. It’ll be a lot easier to fight and protect yourself if you can see them coming.
- Batteries that recharge via solar power – For use with the night vision goggles
- First aid kit – You never know what struggles you’ll go through but an infection is the last thing you want if you’re ever on your own.
- Flint – You’ll need fire if you want to stay warm and to fight off the darkness. Flint is a better choice than matches because matches run out and are useless if they get wet. You can use the knife on the flint to create sparks and save yourself a lot of hassle in the long run.
- Hatchet – This is a two in one weapon as well as a useful tool for cutting, hammering and sharpening sticks to create more weapons. Shouldn’t have to say much else. Might as well be silver too so that it can be an effective weapon against these menaces to you life.
- Deuter Speed Lite 10 2012 Running backpack – Yes I looked this one up specifically because, like I said, I plan on running a lot while I’m learning how these beasts operate or while I’m trying to lure them into a trap. You don’t want to lose you important equipment (listed above) and you want to make sure you have a bag light enough that makes running easy.
- 100 lb fishing line with hooks – Useful for both catching food, tying things together and setting up traps, this is a lightweight essential that’s ideal for many situations
- A porno magazine – Hey, a guy’s gonna needs some personal pleasure eventually. Plus, when you’re done you can use the pages for a fire.
So that’s my list of essentials for my survival kit. What would you put in your monster movie survival kit?
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