Christmas is a time for the family. That’s what we’re told anyway. And many Christmas films feature the family bond. At the heads of the family are of course the parents. Now some parents are more functional than others. Some parents are great and everything we imagine a parent should be. What happens though when parents aren’t so good? What if some parents are just the worst kind of awful. There are films out there that actively highlight this (Christmas With The Kranks. Fred Claus) but what about those films that feature awful parents and parenting but there’s no real acknowledgement about it. Well now we have. Here’s the Movie Buzzers list of the best and worst parents in Christmas films.
Jack Frost (Michael Keaton) ‘Jack Frost’
Let’s start with the good. Say what you will about Jack Frost as a film, it’s not a lot of people’s favourite, and that’s fine. But come on, Jack (Keaton) is a cool dad. Sure, sure, he’s at first a little misplaced in his loyalties, but at the same time can we fault him for wanting to be successful, can we? He’s driven and has ambition, but he’s still a family man and loving father. So much so he leaves his potential big chance to make it home (with dire consequences). And he’s cool, he’s just plain cool. He’s exactly what we’d expect Michael Keaton to be like as a father and husband. He loves his son and he’s still fun and charming with his wife, even when he’s a snowman!
Verdict: Good Dad! He’s a cool, down-to-earth dad who even comes back as a damn Snowman for his son! And while it’s weird, he can even embrace it and kick some serious ass in a snowball fight. Top notch fathering, Frost.
Jake’s Dad (Gary Cole) ‘I’ll Be Home For Christmas’
I’ll Be Home For Christmas is a light-hearted Disney Christmas flick from the ’90s. A College student’s father is determined to get his son, who hasn’t been home for Christmas since their mother died, to finally spend Christmas with them. Jake (Jonathan Taylor Thomas) however wants to trade in the plane tickets to go somewhere more exotic, so his father offers him his Porche if he makes it home by 6pm Christmas Eve. The thought is clearly there, but when you have to offer your son a bright shinny object to lure him home, you know somewhere along the line you’ve done this parenting job poorly and you’ve got to step up and take responsibility. Of course it all comes out well and the little toe-rag Jake grows a conscience so it’s a get out of jail free card for Dad, but there was never a I’ll Be Home For Christmas 2/Too to know if he learnt his lesson and grew a spine.
Verdict: Jury’s Still Out. It’s credible for a father to be with his son at Christmas, but will he make the effort to show his son how much he loves him by getting him himself. Naaaaah, just leave a plane ticket to a rogue kid who has a track history of changing it and offer him a ridiculous bribe of a car. Great parenting, Dad! Next time a little discipline wouldn’t go amiss.
The McClane’s (Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia) ‘Die Hard’
Now we know from future films that John McClane is an estranged father to his two children, probably due to his clear psychiatric problems, and there’s simply no mention of Holly by the latest outing of the Franchise. In Die Hard though, their kids are still young and we don’t see how the parents interacts with them. And while Die Hard isn’t a traditional Christmas film (c’mon guys, it isn’t) the McClane’s are just crazy enough to get on the list. For the first two films we don’t even see so much as a peep from the children. You’d think especially, after such a crazy night in the first film, the cops would have gathered the kids to meet their parents once the coast was clear. What’s worse is the characters barely give their children a mention either, like this life threatening situation doesn’t give them a second thought for their children. Great parenting there, guys. Things only get better two years later in Die Hard 2 where, once again, the parents are around sure, but the kids are nowhere to be seen. Another Christmas Eve, another thrill ride and once again no concern whatsoever for their children’s well-being.
Verdict: Awful parents. It’s no wonder your kids hate you, John and they should probably hate you too, Holly. You two thrill-seeking nutjobs probably scarred them from achieving any real happiness with anyone in life, sorry Justin Long!
The Peltzers (Hoyt Axton, Frances Lee McCain) ‘Gremlins’
We know more about the father, Randall rather than the wife, Lynn. Randall is quirky, fun and unwavering in his desire to be his own business man. We don’t see too much interaction with his son, but the small parts such as watching his son as he opens his present just to see the look on his face, the fact he not only listens to the rules for the Mogwai, but also understands them and understands the importance and clearly states them to his daft son, show him to be good. Of course when he learns they multiply, he sees money signs but he’s an opportunist, and the important thing is he’s level-headed and doesn’t act straight away. Could you say his care-free attitude results in his son’s own mellowness? Perhaps. Lynn is the devoted, supporting mother and wife but resigned to that of a housewife in the film so we don’t get to see much of her. She does however kick some serious ass, taking out the first three Gremlins single-handedly, so some bad-ass housewife-ing there.
Verdict: Good Mother. Father, jury still out. Lynn is great, we’ve got all the time in the world for Lynn and her Gremlin killing skills. Randall shows promising signs of good parenting qualities, but some poor signs leak out too and it really could go either way.
Peter McCallister (John Heard) ‘Home Alone’
Home Alone, fantastic to most, bizarrely hated by a select few, everyone knows the story though, down to that heart-warming hug between mother and son at the end. And yes, great mother. Awful mistakes, but her heart is there. Now let’s talk about her husband. What an a-hole! Right off the bat all he cares about are his new fish hooks and being able to shave in Paris. Then while Kate McCallister expresses concern and regret about leaving the kids in coach while they’re cosy in first class, world’s worst dad, Peter, shrugs it off. So let’s get into the situation when they realise Kevin is home alone. Does he scream, does he shout, and does he cry? He does bollocks! In fact, Peter McCallister barely seems concerned the entire time he’s away from his youngest. What, is he bored of being a father? Does he just want his bachelor years back? Oh, and when he does finally get reunited with his son is there a warm fuzzy embrace like with his mother? Is there even a hint of relief? No, he casually hugs him and later smirks and says “No kidding, what a funny guy”. What a funny guy. WHAT A FUNNY GUY. Are you serious? This sort of shit is why you’ve been divorced by Home Alone 4, because you just don’t care. You’re an awful parent and I feel safe enough to go one step further and say an awful human being. What a funny guy…you jerkoff.
Verdict: Worst. Parent. Ever. And that’s all I have to say about that.
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