In the sequel to Alexandre Aja’s remake of the 1978 cult classic Piranha, John Gulager’s Piranha 3DD attempts to expand the ravenous exploits of the giant prehistoric man-eating fish by letting all hell break loose in a not-so family friendly water park called The Big Wet.
As the title and taglines suggests, Piranha 3DD promises double the action, double the terror and double the D’s but unfortunately for excited viewers, it only delivers on one of those. This movie wasn’t made for cult horror/comedy fans, it was made for teenage boys who need some good whacking material with the amount of nudity that the film has early on. Sure that all changes when piranhas start killing the hot woman and mutilating the men, but until then it’s practically a skinemax feature.
The only thing I was actually upset about with regards to the viewing experience was that I couldn’t watch it in 3D, not that it would have changed my opinion of the movie but I would have probably enjoyed some of the gags in the third dimension rather than the second even if there was a lck of close-up boob shots. I mean, let’s be honest, who doesn’t want a plethora of double D’s in your face?
My main issue with this one has to do with the lack of awesome battles with the piranhas, great one liners and the inclusion of the best characters for more than a few minutes. Ving Rhames, who has a shotgun attached to his leg, had some of the best lines in the movie and the greatest kills but he was in the movie for five minutes max, disappointing myself and any fan of the original remake. Christopher Lloyd reprised his eccentric expert role but didn’t do much to add to the film. David Hasselhoff had probably the most entertaining role since he plays himself and attempts to be a real lifeguard at this water park run by former strippers. Sure the movie stars David Koechner (Anchorman), Katrina Bowden, a redneck Gary Busey and Danielle Panabaker but none of them really add anything special to the movie doomed by a bad script, mediocre young adult acting and a lack of real laughs.
The one thing I was happy about was that the movie continued the trend of a hilarious/painful for men to watch piranha genital mutilation. There is one scene that’s extremely unrealistic involving Katrina Bowden that will remind horror fans of the movie Teeth except with an added comedic element that would make any man freak-the-fuck out if it happened to them. A baby piranha stuck to your dick. Yup, no lie. How it happens though is absolutely ridiculous and one of the more entertaining parts of the film.
Piranha 3DD is a movie that’s beyond campy and merely becomes masturbatory materia
l for men looking to get their rocks off to some hot chicks. The acting was all b-rated, which would be fine if the movie wasn’t rated C or below, the kills aren’t that entertaining and there were too many stupid little plotlines for a movie that should be pretty basic in its story arc. In the end, Piranha 3DD is fine if you need to kill some time with your boys and want to see some titties bounce, but this lackluster film doesn’t come anywhere close to the joyful ride that Aja’s was to watch which is what I, and everyone else who sat down to watch this movie, had hoped to expect.
The disc:
The 3D Blu-ray package comes with a 3D blu-ray disc, a regular blu-ray disc, a digital copy and a regular DVD. I viewed the film on blu-ray and it looked and sounded spectacular. The colors were vivid, the image quality was superb and the audio quality was top notch. The disc itself comes with a handful of special features including:
Audio Commentary with the filmmakers – Features commentary from Director John Gulager, Producer Joel Soisson, and Co-Writer Marcus Dunstan
“The Story Behind the DD” – A roughly eight minute feautrette that features clips, behind the scenes looks and interviews with various cast and crew member who discuss a wide array of topics about the film, the shoot and the players involved.
“The Hofftastic World of David Hasselhoff” – A look inside the world of Hasselhoff as he works behind the scenes to spread his name around. There is one funny part where he puts on a Hasselhoff face on his own, saying he uses this if he doesn’t want to be recognized by fans, it was hilarious.
“Busey’s Bloopers” – Three different interviews cut together with Busey messing up and rambling on about non-sense in typical crazy Busey fashion. Some it’s funny, some of it’s pathetic but it’s Gery Busey being Gary Busey for those looking for a good two minute laugh.
“Wet and Wild with David Koechner” – Koechner briefly talks about all the nudity and violence in today’s movies
Deleted Scenes – There are three deleted scenes all involving the stoner, Big Dave: One involves his attack on the Piranhas, one involving his and his bond and another one with him telling people not to stare at him as he puts his dick in a water pump.
“A Lesson with John McEnroe – A Dimension Short Film” – Having nothing to do with this movie, this short film shows McEnroe coaching a spoiled young player and then schooling him as the kid gets on his nerves.
Not much really stands out but the Hasselhoff feature is definitely my favorite of the lot.
Movie Rating: It somehow doesn’t live up to all its easy promises and doesn’t even compare to its predecessor (3.8/10)
Blu-ray rating: 6/10
Piranha 3DD is now available on 3D Blu-ray combo pack and DVD thanks to Dimension Films and Anchor Bay Entertainment
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