Even though it’s based on a popular game (yes, it’s not just a rumor), director Peter Berg attempts to take the concept further, by having ships battle at sea against an alien invasion in the blockbuster, Battleship. Sound interesting? Well, don’t get your hopes up, because even though it’s got incredible action and phenomenal special effects, the story is completely unsatisfying.
With way too much backstory about the main character, Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch, you know, from that John Carter movie that no one saw), the movie starts off very slow including a short few scenes of him and his brother, Stone (Alexander Skarsgård, HBO’s True Blood) that could have been cut entirely. Let me quickly point out that the brother’s name is Stone Hopper. Stone. Hopper. Seriously. Anyway, there’s a pretty blonde girl (SHOCKER) that’s the Admiral’s daughter (really?) and guess what? Yah, Alex is in love with her. The pretty blonde girl is Brooklyn Decker (Just Go With It) and Liam Neeson pops his head in now and then as the Admiral.
I’ll admit, the aliens and the special effects are really impressive, but I was equally disappointed at the lack of any sort of explanation. I think back to another alien flick last year, Battle L.A. where the dialogue was amazingly worse than this, but just as lacking in information. Do the writers think that people are stupid and don’t care about WHY the aliens came here?
I had a hard time buying Alex Hopper as a tactical genius. This guy has a quick temper and makes really bad decisions. I know, let’s make hi
m the chief weapons officer! Really? Over and over again it’s pointed out that this guy can’t make good decisions, yet he’s promoted? C’mon. I’m getting myself worked up. I just hate when I feel like a movie is assuming I’m dumb and that they can tell me anything and I’ll believe it.
The aliens aside, the true stars are the “shredders” that you see in the previews. They tear through anything and everything like butter. All the carnage they leave behind is astounding and the scenes are just long enough to realize you’ve been holding your breathe. Rather than destroy cities, the demolition is mostly at sea and of destroyers and battleships. It’s a great idea and a refreshing take.
If you can sit through all the boring “story” parts, this movie is really best enjoyed in the theater on a gigantic screen, the bigger the better. Also, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, it would have been cool in 3D.
Rating: Fantastic action and aliens, but nothing else. 5/10
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