G.I. Joe: Retaliation didn’t have much going for it when I sat down to watch the film. Sure, it had a pretty good cast, but it had a director, Jon Chu, who had only made movies like Step Up, it had the pleasure of following up a critically trashed original, and that its release was delayed for nine months to allow for it to be converted into 3D and potentially add more Channing Tatum after he finally blew up. Well the verdict is in on this action packed feature and it’s a mixed bag, but one really fun mixed bag.
In the sequel, the G.I. Joe unit falls under attack and are called traitors by the President of the United States. The remaining Joes are forced to go underground to figure out what happened, find out who is behind it and, most importantly, they have to avenge their fallen comrades. On top of that, the Joes must also battle their mortal enemy Cobra and their evil leader, Cobra Commander.
If you’re looking for a movie with a seamless plot, great dialogue, outstanding acting performances and quality character development then you should probably stop reading right now. G.I. Joe: Retaliation is a deeply flawed film and I sort of expected that going into it. I know I didn’t show up to the theater for a storyline that made complete sense, I showed up because I wanted to see ninjas fight on the side of a mountain and watch Dwayne Johnson tear shit up.
The mountain scene, which appears in the trailer, is probably the best scene in the movie. You get a bunch of ninjas chasing Jinx and Snake Eyes (Ray Park) down a mountain using zip-lines, and this comes after a cool fight between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee). First off, awesome! What makes it even cooler is that the 3D actually works! I couldn’t believe it, I actually noticed it. And it wasn’t the only time that the 3D actually looked good (though it also had its crappy moments). The scene rocks and at the end, while grinning stupidly to yourself, all you can say is “like a boss.”
There are some other cool moments throughout the movie but what keeps it afloat is the natural charisma and beastliness of Dwayne Johnson as Roadblock. He just does work on his foes and does it so well. He has two fights with Firefly (played by the always cool Ray Stevenson) and they both are heavy hitting battles that get your heart pounding. Other notable moments include the hotness of Adrianne Palicki as the intelligent ass kicker Jaye and the small jokes that get thrown around for easy laughs, including a few at the expense of North Korea because, let’s be honest, everyone loves picking on the little guy.
The only thing I wanted to see in this movie was Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow doing what they do best, being badass sword wielding, star throwing, and gun touting ninjas. Everything about their fights 
was fantastic and when it was just one of them fighting, it was still equally bad ass. Like with all the characters, the film dives into their back stories a bit more and that’s when things get messy. First off, there was another ninja character thrown into the mix named Jinx (Elodie Yung). I apologize if I don’t remember her as an action figure but she just appears in this movie and there is no explanation as to where she came from. Secondly, Snake Eyes and Jinx are told by Blind Master that they must bring Storm Shadow to him alive, ok that’s fine, but Blind Master is played by RZA…why!? RZA actually ruins every scene and is the only person I legitimately hated in the movie. He was over the top and so unfit for the part. I don’t care if he loves martial arts, the guy ruined what could have been decent scenes and needs to not act anymore, he was the worst part in his own movie and is terrible in this one.
So is it a good movie? Not by any conventional standards. But is it fun? Hell yeah. I had a stupid grin on my face the entire time I watched the film. I was laughing at the good and the bad, enjoying the cleavage and ass shots of Adrianne Palicki, remembering why I should never fuck with a ninja and how I never want to go up against Dwayne Johnson in a brawl. G.I. Retaliation is a hell of a lot of mindless fun if you’re looking for a heavy dose of explosions and ridiculous action.
Rating: If you like things that go boom then this one’s for you (5.9/10)
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