Los Angeles, 1987. Sherrie (Julianne Hough) has just moved to the big city with hopes of becoming a singer, Drew (Diego Boneta) is working at The Bourbon Room, a legendary venue run by Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin) where he hopes to one day perform. The two meet, fall in love, and then on the night rock star Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise) is set to perform his last show before going solo, the lovie dubbie couple gets into a fight and go their seperate ways. With The Bourbon Room struggling to keep its doors open thanks to Stacee’s manager jipping them (Paul Giamatti), a Mayor’s wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones) trying to destroy rock & roll, and Jaxx trying to find new meaning in his career, Rock of Ages spreads itself thin while chronicling Drew and Sherrie’s separate paths as they try and survive and attempt to make it big in the tough city of LA.
I’ve never seen Rock of Ages on Broadway though I’ve always had this desire to do so since I absolutely love 80’s rock and roll. That being said, I was actually interested in seeing the theatrical adaptation of the musical especially since Tom Cruise looked like a badass. Though, after I finished watching the movie, I didn’t know what to think. The movie was unexpectedly very funny but in a weird sort of way that was partially in the vein of “it’s so bad its good” and “did that just happen?” funny.
Let me give you a few examples of what I mean. Imagine Bryan Cranston of Breaking Bad fame getting spanked with a ruler, Julianne Hough turning to stripping while Boneta turns into the white Fresh Prince. Let’s also note that the pole dancers got more of an applause from the audience for their talents than the leads and that Tom Cruise sang into Malin Akerman’s vajayjay. See what I mean?
Furthermore, the voices of the leads are unnaturally high pitched and I get that the characters were supposed to be innocent, but they sounded like characters from classic 1950’s white picket fence families rather than the grungy rock and roll era of the 80s. Their romance was too corny for my taste but absolutely hilarious to watch because of the terrible dialogue.
When it comes to the acting, Tom Cruise as Jaxx owns the movie but Baldwin and Russell Brand steal all the other scenes they’re in, unless it involves Jaxx‘s baboon 
sidekick named Hey Man who just puts all movie monkeys to shame. Cruise also shows his age as he parades around the screen without his shirt on but he fully commits to the drunken star and helps carry the film along. I was also surprised by how good he ended up singing some of those 80s rock anthems since they can be tough to nail. The same goes for the bromantic duo of Baldwin and Brand, their musical number was the best in the film even if it was the slowest.
I don’t watch musicals so I can’t really compare this to Chicago or Moulin Rouge but from what I hear, Rock of Ages doesn’t even come close and stays true to the traditional musical mould of mediocrity. The musical numbers cut to characters that have nothing to do with the scene and the movie doesn’t necessarily move smoothly but it is entertaining to watch despite all its flaws, plus, who doesn’t like 80s rock?
Rating: A weird and very mediocre rom-com with awesome 80s music as the backdrop (5/10)
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