If there was one movie in the modern era that could put hair on your balls it would be The Expendables. I hope that sentence gets the message off clearly. When Stallone decided to set out and make the manliest movie ever he knew he was going to need a few things to make it successful: an amazing cast, crazy kills, a shit ton of explosions, and humorously corny dialogue. Well I would like to tell you that every one of the aforementioned requirements was nailed in this movie.
Here is a quick plot synopsis in case you can’t figure out what the movie is actually about. The Expendables are hired to go on a mission located somewhere in South America to remove a dictator, General Garza (David Zayas), from power because he is running the country into the ground. They then find out it isn’t him that needs to be taken out but rather an ex-CIA agent named James Monroe (Eric Roberts) who is really running the island and using it as a growing ground for drugs. It is up to the Expendables to kill this man in order to save the people of the island and the dictator’s daughter who had once helped The Expendables.
While by no means is this the greatest movie ever made, it was one hell of a fun ride. First off, we have one of the manliest casts to ever exist in cinematic history. Sylvester Stallone (leader of The Expendables), Jason Statham (knife expert/Second in Command), Mickey Rourke (former Expendable now sets up missions), Jet Li(martial artist), Stone Cold Steve Austin (bad guy), Terry Crews (Heavy weapons), Randy Couture (demolitions/Expendable), Arnold Schwarzenegger (Former leader of Expendable now with his own group), Bruce Willis (guy with assignment), and Dolph Lundgren (off the wire Expendable/sniper). That cast alone is enough to make you squeal like a teenage girl at a Justin Bieber concert.
Secondly, this movie is definitely the 80’s action tribute that Stallone intended for, very corny but also raging with testosterone and aggression (see cast again to figure out why). They did step up with the types of kills though. Stallone’s directing and script got creative with the different types of “finish him” moves that allowed for some “holy shit” moments throughout the battles. For example, shotgun kills that literally made some of the enemy soldiers explode resulted in the audience going nuts. Additionally, the dialogue was terrific and was very 80sesque, inserting humor consistently throughout. If I had to choose a character with the best dialogue it would have to be Jet Li after his “I want more money because I work harder” speech.
Lastly, the final 45 minutes of the movie was literally all action with a few chances to breathe in between. It is in this final act where Terry Crews becomes a real badass action star. The guy was wielding an automatic shotgun with some of the shells having tiny warheads on the tip leading to massive explosions and lots of laughs. Also, there is no final kiss between the damsel in distress and the hero which makes this movie that much more of a man’s movie. It was literally like “hey I’m here to save you, you’re safe now, and now I’m peacing out now on my airplane and won’t ever see you again.” To go one step further, there was not one kiss in the entire movie making sure that the flick remained all action based. These were all of the positive aspects of the movie.
When one talks about the flaws of The Expendables you end up coming to the realization that the entire first half of the movie is really one big flaw. For most of it you are anxiously awaiting some giant fights, epic battle, or some awesomely bloody kills but they never really come. In fact, the first half is almost all dialogue and whatever action there is doesn’t really result in much of a body count (excluding the opening scene).
Furthermore, Steve Austin never does the stunner and (*spoiler) there never is a declared winner in the Austin/Stallone fight, which to me was a copout to what could have been the best battle of the entire movie (*end Spoiler).
Overall, for as much testosterone and fighting that existed in this movie there could have been so much more. If Stallone utilized his time more wisely everyone from Terry Crews to Jason Statham could have had more killing time. While I think it is better than Rambo 4, it doesn’t surpass movies like Commando in terms of the level of manliness and the amount of bodies that go flying. It may not be called the manliest movie ever made but it definitely comes in a close second. With that, this movie is the return of a generation of action heroes and pays true homage to the great flicks of the 80s and early 90s.
Rating: A badass man’s movie that will put hair on your balls.
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