What if I told you there was a movie that featured a man dressed as Jesus painted completely silver wielding a shotgun while robbing a “”gold for cash” shop. A movie that had a tribe of witches who bowed down to a gigantic, fat and naked behemoth of a female monster that liked to eat little kids. Or what if I said this same movie featured a superhot goth chick/witch that was also incredibly psycho for the man she’s in love with? Would you be into that sort of horror/comedy? If so, then Álex de la Iglesia’s (The Last Circus) latest Spanish genre escapades Witching and Bitching is the film for you.
After a bank heist goes awry, José, his son Sergio, his partner in crime Tony, their at-one-point-hostage cab driver and another hostage drive off into the countryside in an attempt to escape the police. At some point they begin complaining about women and how they ruin lives as they pull up to a small-town tavern full of odd characters. Eventually, this tavern leads them to a town where they are lured to a ransacked house occupied by three generations of witches, an old senile grandma, a middle aged motherly leader, and her sexy daughter (Carolina Bang). Soon the guys realize the severity of their situation after returning to the house because they left their loot and José’s kid. The guys are set to become the main course during a night where an ancient ritual is about to go down. With José’s ex-wife out on the hunt for her son, a duo of detectives following her to capture them, and a horde of witches looking to devour the adults and sacrifice Sergio, the guys realize that women, in fact, can be much worse than they thought.
The film, as mentioned above, opens with a bank heist, but these thieves are dressed as street mascots in touristy areas. There’s silver Jesus, SpongeBob, the invisible man, and Minnie Mouse. What makes it awesome is that this gang of criminals pull uzis and shotguns out while wearing the outfits to hold up the shop. Imagine a smiling SpongeBob with a gun, it’s an amazing site. From there, things only get weirder and more outlandish as the witches come into the fold, seducing the men, attempting to feed on a few of them and eventually serve them up to their Goddess, all while hailing that women are the masters of this domain.
There are some movie titles that tell you exactly what the movie’s about, but with Witching and Bitching it doesn’t become clear how blunt the title is until you finish the movie. The film is literally about witches and people constantly bitching. José is constantly bitching about his wife and how he is a good father to his son, Eva, the youngest of the main witches, complains that nobody loves her, Tony complains that Eva should be into him, the cab driver complains about his wife, José’s ex-wife complains about him, the detectives are constantly arguing, when people aren’t running or fighting for their lives it’s literally festival of bitching. The nagging is something that both aids and detracts from the movie. A lot of it is very funny but de la Iglesia doesn’t always know when enough is enough, failing to show restraint in certain scenes allowing the nagging to carry on and on.
Speaking of things I didn’t like, there was really only one aspect of the movie that bothered me and that was the inconsistent use of the witches’ ability to fly. At times they would all fly and jump really far, but sometimes when they were chasing the men they didn’t use that ability even though it would have been easier and more effective. I understand from a budget or storytelling standpoint that it makes it more exciting if the chases last longer on foot (and cheaper) but the lack of consistency kills some of the cooler moments in the film. At the very least it’s an aspect that nagged at me for a while after the film.
Despite what the above poster may suggest, Witching and Bitching is a straight-up enjoyable comedy with some horror elements, i.e. the witches, added. It isn’t a scary film by any stretch of the imagination which is why people who hate horror shouldn’t ride it off. It’s a genre film that incorporates quality action and gritty cinematography, similar to The Last Circus, but this one uses a lot of physical humor and funny dialogue exchanges to generate laughs from both Spanish and non-Spanish audiences alike. To put it simply, Witching and Bitching is a wild film full of random oddities that accumulates into a fun picture full or ridiculous laughs as well as plenty of head scratching moments that you’ll never see coming.
Rating: A ridiculous and comical bitch fest that’s well suited for the midnight genre crowd (6.4/10)
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