Tig ol’ bitties, bloody splatter, and dicks being chomped off. Everything you would expect from a movie titled Horny House of Horror, the latest in Japanese exploitation cinema. Jun Tsugita, writer of Mutant Girls Squad, has put together a film that is both comical and extremely painful to watch but, luckily, I got to have a few drinks before hand at the Horny Happy Hour to brace myself for the madness that I was about to experience.
Nakatsu (Yuya Ishiwaka) is a hardcore 40 year old virgin who is about to get married and, to make matters worse for his friends, he has decided to quit the baseball team. Determined to make sure that Nakatsu doesn’t remain a loser, his buddies decide to show him what it’s like to attend a massage parlor and how plenty of other Japanese men get their rocks off these days. After spotting the recently opened Shogun Massage Parlor, the gents make their way in, check the quality of their ladies by feeling their butts through a wall, and then the so-called fun begins. Unfortunately, these guys don’t know that once they go in they won’t be coming out alive. What’s the problem? The main purpose of this parlor is to chomp off the guys’ sushi rolls and then kill them. As mayhem unfolds, Nakatsu convinces his sex worker Nagisa (Saori Hara) to help him try and escape. Together they attempt to rescue the rest of his friends but, obviously, this go a bit awry and blood and dicks begin to go flying.
Let me explain to you the type of insanity I witnessed on screen for this year’s Japanese low budget T&A splatter comedy. The film features adult video stars Asami (Mutant Girls Squad), Mint Suzuki, and the aforementioned Saori Hara (Sex and Zen 3-D) as sex workers who’s methods of death and mutilation include using a vagina clamp with razor sharp teeth to rip off a guy’s totem pole. It’s pretty extreme and painful to watch but everything, up until the point of genital mutilation, is actually pretty funny. There’s another point where a chick gets her nipple 
chopped off by a samurai sword, which is tough to watch but then turns comical when she picks it back up. To top it all off, the effects are done by the low budget king, Yoshihiro Nishimura (Tokyo Gore Police) so, like always, everything is rather gratuitous.
This crazy, 75 minute horror/comedy wasn’t my favorite of the splatter films I’ve seen thus far. For being as short as it was I still found a few moments to be rather boring, probably because some of the jokes became rather stale after the third or fourth time. Despite all that, there are still some wildly entertaining scenes and new experiences to be had and, if you’re a fan of these types of movies, you probably shouldn’t miss this one, at least just to say you watched a movie called Horny House of Horror.
Overall, I’d recommend watching this movie with some sort of buzz on because it will make it that much better. With a rowdy crowd of splatter aficionados you’re bound to have a good time, but if you’re sober and by yourself, chances are you’ll find this mildly entertaining and slightly above average at best. The one truly good aspect is that the title will not deceive you and your expectations will definitely be met.
Rating (for this genre): A pinku splatter film that’ll make men both laugh and squirm and women happily disgusted (6/10)
You can catch the Horny House of Horror at the NYAFF at Lincoln Center on July 12th
Click HERE to watch the trailer
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